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Hi, I love my wife but I am starting to be less sexually attracted to her because of the obesity and too much hair in her arms. I want we to see a better gynecologist, and I want to be with her, so, could you orient me please about what to ask the gynecologist and what treatments do not take (surely she will be diabetic)? Her parents and familiars have diabetes, her father and his family have obesity, finally, we don’t want to get pregnant. I feel the worst of the worst because I don’t like her body anymore, but I love the person she is, so I want to support our marriage.Reply
First, thank you for recognizing the issues, and that this is not her fault – and for seeking help to understand the PCOS issues better. It’s understandable that physical appearance has an effect on attractiveness; that’s kind of basic! One of the best things you can do is to focus on health together. For example, exercising together, buying and cooking healthy foods together, etc. Exercising together tends to raise some sexual energy and attraction too! Since you don’t want children, you could ask the gynecologist or her general practitioner (ideally, she would see an endocrinologist, a doctor who specializes in treating diabetes, pre-diabetes, PCOS, etc.) to prescribe metformin, which is an anti-diabetic pill that reduces insulin resistance. This helps prevent Type 2 diabetes (and you are right to be concerned because of her family history, but it’s not guaranteed that she’ll get diabetes, if she’s careful now), and usually results in some weight loss. With PCOS, weight loss can take a very long time. It’s not as easy as “just reduce calories and increase movement.” Tell her about my free private Facebook group, PCOS Psychology, where she can get support. For the arm hair, there’s only one permanent solution, electrolysis, which takes a while and is not inexpensive, but it’s really life changing for women with PCOS. Good luck, and check back in with PCOS Wellness from time to time!Reply
Israel, thank you for your honesty coupled with your earnest inquiry as to how to get effective treatment for your wife.
I need you to acknowledge that just because your wife receives better treatment does not mean the excess hair or weight will be cured. It is likely she will suffer from excess hair and weight issues forever or fluctuate with these issues as she receives treatment and experiences hormonal shifts endemic to all people regardless of gender or condition. Accepting your wife’s condition also means accepting these fluctuations that I’m certain bring her a lot of anxiety. Women with PCOS are in fear that their partners will find them less attractive because of the physical ramifications of PCOS. If your wife was going through chemotherapy and lost all her hair, would you be less attracted to her more than you would be concerned or empathetic for her plight or find her more attractive that she braves the world and your marriage despite having PCOS? Your attraction requires shifting your mental state or maybe talking to a therapist about your feelings.
I wouldn’t suggest a better gynecologist. I would recommend a great endocrinologist. In my experience gynecologists are not familiar enough with treating PCOS.
Spironolactone and Metformin will ease her symptoms in most cases but they will never eradicate them completely and these medications do carry risks. Further, I’d recommend the supplement Ovositol that can be purchased on Amazon. It helps with the insulin resistance that causes excess hair and weight gain.
Best of luck to you and your wife.Reply
My wife has pcos and I do support her with every ounce of love I have for herReply
That’s fantastic – not that your wife has PCOS – but that you support her so whole-heartedly. You sound like a real blessing in her life. – Dr. GretchenReply
As a woman with PCOS it saddens me that a husband admits to not being attracted to his wife. This is a huge self confidence buster to us and it’s not something we want. We NEED our spouses love, compliments and encouragement. We already ourselves don’t feel attractive.Reply
I love my girlfriend very much she was up front with me from the beginning about her PCOS…I was fine with it at the time and still am now, but the lack of sex drive has really taken its toll on me. I’ve tried to do things to spice up the relationship but nothing seems to help. I love her very much and it’s very hard to not be able to feel closer to her. I know she can’t control it, and I’m not trying to sound selfish. I just wish I knew what I could do to get us back to what we had at first…I feel so alone when she rejects me. It’s a very tough situation. I try not to pry about it because I know she can’t help it…I’ll take any advice I can get on the matterReply
If you intend to have a relationship with someone with PCOS it will not be an easy ride by any means. There will be challenges at every corner. But know that the person you love has been given a special gift and challenge and you are in a unique position where you can help her greatly. She will need you in this battle. So buckle up partner and enjoy the ride.Reply
Jan, it is unfair to expect husbands to unconditionally love/ find their wife attractive especially when all he is doing is being honest. If all was fine then there would be no need for change. A husband is allowed to feel. His response is his and you should respect that.Reply
Thanks for the helpful info! I recently found out my wife has PCOS. We’ve been married 3 years and she’s put on close to 70lbs. She still looks great, it’s not a problem for me. But she’s having a really difficult time with food cravings and I wish I could do more to help her make healthier choices without feeling judged. Recently she’s been eating dessert foods just about every night. She complains about her belly fat but when the sugar cravings come she just can’t seem to resist them.Reply
It is good to keep an open mind, while also working on better health. Here is a link to my free guide about satisfying those sweet cravings, this should help! https://pcos-wellness.lpages.co/savor-your-sweets/Reply
I love my partner and this post helped me understand her and our relationships better. I realized that how much mistake I have done and how should I act on these. Thank youReply
I have pcos and my husband is not supportive at all he stays mad cause i have no sex drive and treats me like crap because of it i also have endometriosis on top of pcos and it is very hard to deal with both and sex is not something i want what can i do?Reply
I love my wife and will do anything for her. Thanks for this info!Reply